2011 Final Thoughts

For me one of the best aspects of the monastery is the bell.  It rings as an "alarm clock" five minutes before each worship service and we all drop everything and scramble to get to worship in time.  Once you're sitting in the chapel, the next time it rings is a call to worship.  Next to the sound of silence, it's the main sound I associate with the monastery... a urgent call to action and a calming call to worship.

And once again, I leave the place wondering where or what God is calling me to do.  The answer is both - action and worship.  There are times of storm and times of calm... time for rest and time to work.  It's funny, but the lesson this morning during Matins was Paul's letter to the Corinthians pointing out that we are all like different parts of the body... all different and all essential. 

What is God calling me to do?  I may not know long term, but for now, God is calling me to my favorite Adirondack chair...

He's calling me to rest a little, read a little, then rejuvenated by 2 weeks of retreat, re-enter life, enjoy a weekend with my son, and then get back to work - both in my profession and in my church.  With time, after the waters calm a bit, he may call me to other places or even here.  But for now my role is to trust in God to care for me and use me as He needs.

Friday Morning - The river is calming

This morning during breakfast, there was a bit of fog on the river which almost seemed to be just drifting along the surface.  The angry river of a two weeks ago is calmed, replaced by the placid Hudson I normally encounter up here.  There is still a brown tinge to it... the effects of last week's storms aren't completely cleared up, but things are improving.  Of course, more storms will come... that's just life.

After Eucharist, the three of us had a last session with Br. Robert (the Superior of the order) in the Middle House Common Room.  We worked through an African version of Lectio on the section in Matthew 9 where Jesus heals the blind men and the mute man.  After that, we shared what we each felt were our next steps. 

For me, it's unknown... the storm of a divorce is still going on.  The waters will eventually calm for a while and the only certainty is I will face more storms and calm periods for the rest of my life.  Robert shared that St. Ignatius' guidance is that we shouldn't try and discern during the storms of our life.  It sounds like good advice.  I have time on my side.  For now it's time to let the waters calm a bit. 

I did initiate a discussion with Br. Ron about joining the associates.  This is a program for lay people who want a stronger relationship with the monastery.  It parallels the "How to be a Benedictine and Not Give Up Your Day Job" line of thought. He will get an introductory packet to me.  That might be a way to strengthen the ties while the waters calm.

After that, I spent some time by my favorite window in the guest library to complete the final few blog entries and then pack away the computer before Diurnum and the Noon meal.

Thursday evening - Open discussion

(The photo above has nothing to do with the blog entry... I wanted to include a photo of some sorts... this is the fruit table in the little coffee area on a nice sunny morning.)

This evening after Supper we had a small meeting with Br. Robert, Br. Ron, Br. James and Br. Roy.  It was a sort of question and answer session for any questions we had about what we learned so far.  I won't go into details but we mostly discussed what life is like for a monk... what do they do during the day... where they see opportunities for ministry and the like.

One very interesting aspect of this retreat was getting to know the brothers enough that they are becoming real people with real personalities to me.  They have been kind enough to let down their "host" facade that we typically encounter as guests.  Some of that may be the fact that I've been hanging around for 2 weeks and have returned for several years, but I'm sure part of it is the Come and See retreat. 

I haven't spoken much about my "companions on the journey" (other guests here at the monastery) this time.  We have really been quite busy as part of this retreat, which is part of it, but the other part is the various groups of guests are generally keeping to themselves. 

We had a group that was the board of a local charity that had a short retreat earlier in the week.  Another group is several ladies that are on a silent retreat (they have not spoken for days... I think until Friday night or Saturday morning... I'll be gone by then so I can't ask them about it).  Finally there are a couple of individuals who have come and gone.  You can always see a brother taking a bit of time to chat with the various guests and I learned tonight that is a large part of their ministry.

Tonight is my last night.  Tomorrow is a flurry of packing, worship, eating, doing dishes, and a last session with Br. Robert.  I'm going to hang in the area for a couple of hours doing some photography (so I didn't pack the big camera in vain), and then head back down to real life.

A Movie and More Work - Thursday

This morning after Matins and Eucharist, the three of us got a chance to watch a recent movie involving the monastic life.

Of Gods and Men is a french film about a group of monks that get caught in a the middle of a small war. Are any wars small to the people caught up in them?  We watched the first 2 hours while the brothers were in a meeting this morning. 

After Diurnum and the Noon meal, we had another afternoon of work... this time with Br. Bernard.  Bernard wanted us to help remove a bunch of junk that has accumulated at the monastery and a bunch of able bodied men were just what was needed.  So we loaded the monastery pick-up with old mattresses, computers, lumber, glass and the like and headed off to the transfer station where it was all unloaded. 

Another portion of the work was to bring plants inside and distribute them around the monastic enclosure.  Br. Bernard was nice enough to show us his room and I of course requested a photo.  A bit of quick cleaning was involved but he kindly agreed.  You can see their "cells" look like private doorm rooms.  The large wood panel hides a murphy bed (kids in my youth group can look that up), and you can't see a set of three doors that hide a small sink, and two small closets.  You also can't see the fabulous view he has out the windows, but he directly overlooks the Hudson River, being right above the common room (see below).

Later we took a quick trip to Staples to recycle some old computer equipment and we were able to take a scenic view back... so I indulged my hobby a bit from the car window.  This is the Esopus Point Lighthouse.

After Supper tonight we have a sort of social hour with the brothers and then have to watch the rest of the movie.  Monks lead a busy life!

Working in the Monastic Enclosure - Wed afternoon

After the Noon meal, we met Br. Scott and Br. Ron and helped out with some moves that are taking place in the monastic enclosure.  The monastery is undergoing a bit of a change in leadership this year and as part of that they're changing around the office spaces to make the work that goes on behind the scenes flow a lot smoother.  So the three of us (Bob, Jose and I) who are on the Come and See program got to help out by moving several bookcases.  (Do you get the impression that monks have a LOT of books?)  Monastic life is evidently a lot of work.

We were able to get that completed ahead of schedule, so we had some free time and since it was sunny and 70, I decided to spend some time on my favorite Adirondack chair.  Currently, I'm reading "finding sanctuary: Monastic Steps for Everyday Life" (yes it is capitalized that way).  This is a nice concise easy read that describes how to pull aspects from the Rule of St. Benedict into a person's everyday life.  It's loosely based on the TV series "The Monastery".

As 5:00 rolled around it was time to head back to the chapel for Vespers.  I'm starting to get used to my new vantage point.  It's weird looking across to the other monks... it sort of promotes a sense of community, and greatly improves the sound of the chanting (except when I screw up), though I can't really hear the lessons anymore because the podium is set up so the speaker is facing mostly away from me.

After supper, we had some one-on-one time with a brother.  My session was with Br. Julian.  We spoke about all the changes taking place in my life (similar to the conversation with Br. Adam last week and Br. Andrew earlier this week... I feel like I'm repeating myself a lot).

I won't go into details, but since Br. Julian is the photographer of the bunch, we were able to spend a short while chatting about a shared hobby.

Dishes!

This morning was a clear and gorgeous day.  After Matins (7:00 AM worship) the sun was just rising above the hills on the other side of the Hudson.

After breakfast, I had dish duty.  So I was introduced to the pantry area (the main kitchens are in the basement).  I got to clean the tables, and put away the food, and move dishes around to get ready for the Noon meal.

I then had a few minutes to read some of the rules... the monastery uses the rule of the founder, but recently (25 years ago) switched to become a Benedictine order following the Rule of St. Benedict.  I was given copies of both rules to read.

It was explained that these rules are more like guidance on how to be a good monk rather than rules like a card game.  The St. Benedict's rule is 1500 years old and even the Huntington rule is from the early 1900s so both have to be interpreted by the order to apply appropriately to today's life.

After the Eucharist service I got to attend one of the Novitiate Classes.  Br. James is the assistant novice master and Br. Mark is the current novice.  We spent two hours discussing monastic habits and getting an introduction to the overall novice process here at Holy Cross.

We finished that just in time for Diurnum (Noon worship).  As part of the Come and See program I get to sit up in the choir area with the monks for worship.  I sit next to Br. Raphael who has been very kind and patient in getting me to the right page numbers.  There's much more that the monks worry about in worship than just the one slip of paper they give the guests.  Br. Raphael knows where to find the actual music they use.  It's a much different vantage point...

See... I am actually here.

Meeting with Br. Robert and Tour

So I'm at the "Come and See" retreat at the monastery.  Before we start, I'm not going to share my thinking (especially any thoughts as to monastic discernment) as I'm going though this.  My life is too "upside down" right now and besides, all the brothers tell me that discernment can take years... and even lead in directions I would have never considered.

I will continue to blog "my life at the monastery" and you will get to see some areas that I've not shared before. 

So this afternoon, we met with Br. Robert who is the Superior of the Order.  He shared some of the history of monasticism as well as the history of the Order of the Holy Cross.  He then gave us a tour and more background on the monastery. 

Most interesting was a tour of some of the more "public accessable" spaces in the monastic enclosure.  So we didn't see anyone's rooms, but we did get to see...

The Chapter House, where the monks meet to discuss, confess and pray about their concerns.  This was a square room with an octagonal raised portion in the center.  (Sorry, I used my small camera and for some reason it was stuck on "square" aspect ratio.)

The common room where the monks can hang out as they wish.

The monastic library... this room was huge so I tried to paste two pictures together... the columns are all straight.

A lounge area in the back of the library on the ground floor.

And finally the incense manufacturing operation...

In the evening we met with Br. Andrew and "told our stories" where we came from, our faith history, etc.  I have assigned reading to do, so you'll have to wait for more...